I wanted a deer but all I got was this lousy plot
by 11thMysticPig
Summary: The trials and tribulations of two up and coming adventurers who're just trying to make their lot in life. By ruining the lives of everyone else!
1. The buck stops here!

****So I just decided to write this on a whim one day. I hope that people enjoy it and feed my cripplingly low self worth!****

****Disclaimer: I do not own Oblivion. If I did then I would have punched Sheogorath in the face!****

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><p><strong><strong>Quest I<strong>**

****The buck stops here!****

The deer lowered his head to taste the cool, rippling waters which flowed clear and fast. His tongue lapped at the river, doing nothing to calm his alertness. The forest, alive with the sounds of birds and animals, created a natural symphony which, as he and all creatures knew, was only ever silent in the presence of danger.

As the buck took to quenching his thirst a robin descended onto a low hanging branch, ruffling its feathers noisily. Noticing the bird, the buck, with his magnificent antlers, gave his feathered friend a bow which it returned.

"What news have you brought from the south?" asked the deer in a strong, commanding voice. His eyes pierced through the robin as it relayed its message.

"My lord, there have been sightings of a lone man doe near the edges of your domain. Shall I send in the scouts to take care of it?" the robin replied, his voice showing the age and wisdom under his breast. He had been in the service of the prince's family for many generations and was damn well proud of it. He shuffled slightly on the branch, relieving his aching legs somewhat.

The prince thought about the information he had received. A lone man doe would be no problem against his wolves; they were fast, strong and loyal to the prince alone. They could be ruthless though, as they enjoyed toying with their prey and they relished the hunt more than anything.

He thought on this.

The man doe was in an area that he was close to. The wolves, if he remembered correctly, were out patrolling the north. Even with their speed, by the time they find it, who knows how much damage the man doe could cause.

"No," the prince finally said, his voice harsher than he intended, "I will take care of this man doe myself. Clear the area, make sure that everyone is well away from it"

"By your will shall it be done." With that, the robin flew off, his whistles of an alarm warning all nearby creatures of the danger. Watching the small bird depart, the prince's eyes narrowed as he darted south with all his speed, the leaves which decorated the forest floor crunching under his strong hooves.

Within the hour he had finally found the fiend, following the man doe's tracks to its current location. The prince circled slowly around as he watched it destroy the plants beneath it, eyeing them strangely, its snout curling horrifically, before putting what it had collected in a strange compartment.

The prince would not stand for this! How dare it destroy his home, steal the source of sustenance that all animals relied on? He approached the sick creature, making no secret of his presence and adopting a proud stance.

The man doe turned towards him suddenly, its short head-fur trailing behind it. Once it saw him, its snout curled upwards in that same unnatural way. It reached into a strange compartment bringing out a cluster of nuts and berries, placing them on the ground in front of him.

Seeing this, the prince became immediately incensed, "How dare you destroy my home and then try to offer me your unholy pickings! THIS, YOU FOUL CREATURE, IS THE GRAVEST OF ALL INSULTS!" he shouted, his outrage made manifest. He prepared to charge at the man doe, his mighty antlers lowered to gore it. The man doe's eyes widened in surprise. He would make sure it would pay for what it had done, for it would feel his wrath fir-SHUCK!

The prince hit the floor hard as the arrow had penetrated his neck, the surprise of the attack alleviating any pain he should have been feeling. He looked upwards towards the treetops, the emerald leaves falling as if in testament to the inevitable demise of royalty, to the last prince of the forest. With his dying breath the prince was only able to speak one word before passing on to the afterlife.

"Mother…"

And all went black.

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><p>Coryn stared at the now dead deer, the once beautiful creature now only an empty shell. Once over the initial shock of the ordeal, she collected her nuts and berries as she heard the crunching of leaves as a Khajiit dropped down from the trees. He approached the dead animal and felt against its neck for a pulse. Once he had determined that it was dead, he gave s soft congratulatory chuckle, cut short by a nut which had collided with his head.<p>

"Why did you do that?" chastised the young woman as she pelted her companion with the remainder of her small harvest, "I can't believe you just shot it like that. Didn't you see I had it under control?"

The Khajiit tried to protect his face from the onset of 'nature's brew', "What I saw was you giving our breakfast to a wild, flea infested animal as a peace offering," he tried to explain himself under the hail of nuts, "It was about to attack so I took a chance and WILL YOU STOP THROWING STUFF AT ME!"

Coryn stopped her assault – more because she ran out of berries than because she was told to stop – and crossed her arms indignantly, "Okay, for your information my peace offering was working. Did you see it bowing? That was a sign of respect," she started to ramble, leaving to her companion to inspect the body, "Just think of it, Kei'Rassa. I could have kept it as a pet, named it Panky and taught it the ways of the arcane and witty conversation. It would have made a fine mount too."

"Well, now it should make a fine lunch if I do say so myself and the pelt and antlers should fetch a fine price in the Imperial city," Kei'Rassa continued to inspect the corpse, slicing open its stomach with his carving knife. Coryn winced at the sight of fresh deer belly as the Khajiit plunged his hand inside, "By S'rendarr, what are these animals eating nowadays? Two septims, a pelvic bone, leather boots and … The lusty Argonian maid. Real classy."

"When you're done with that, can I read it?" Coryn asked hopefully. Kei'Rassa looked at her in disbelief, an eyebrow raised, before shrugging and throwing her the book. Though still slimy – stuff just doesn't come out of a deer's stomach without needing a good cleaning – the Breton didn't hesitate to grab the book and thumb through it.

Kei'Rassa picked up the deer and slung it over his shoulder, "Come on let's get out of here. This forest is way too quiet for my liking." He signaled to his female friend who noticed even with her face buried in the book.

As they walked beyond the edges of the forest toward the Imperial city, a small creature was chuckling maniacally to itself, deep within the shadows, "Now that the forest prince is dead, I can finally make my move and conquer this dump." This creature spoke as if with twenty or so voices. A group of twenty rats emerged from the darkness all connected together by the fleshy, pulsing knot of their tails, a crown resting on top.

"Soon, the day of the Rat King shall be upon all denizens of the forest!"


	2. Book 'em!

**Another chapter! WOOT!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Oblivion, now stop pestering me.  
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><p><strong>Quest II<strong>

**Book 'em!**

"Hey, you. Yeah, you with the obnoxious red hair!"

Coryn looked up from the book, the Thief of Virtue, to see what the matter was, "Uhm, what's the problem, Phintias? I was just reading the blurb."

"You weren't planning on stealing that book, were you?" Phintias, proprietor of The First Edition asked suspiciously, his eyes boring holes into the slightly confused Breton.

Coryn's thick brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of what she was being accused of, "No, I just wanted to see what the book was about. I can't just make a decision to choose a book based on-"

"You better put that book back or I'm calling the guards." Phintias' sudden threat caught Coryn by surprise. As quickly as she could, she fumbled to put the book back in its rightful place. In her hurry however, she accidentally knocked over another book, causing it to cascade to the floor. Dust rose slowly from the book as Coryn bent to pick it up, panicking.

As soon as she picked it up however; "Guards! Guards! There's a thief on the loose!"

Coryn darted her head towards the bookshop owner, her expression a mixture of shock and annoyance. Before she could explain herself an imperial guard appeared through the front entrance, his face twisted with the fury of supreme justice.

"You are under arrest!" he shouted, his face mere inches away from Coryn's. She felt flecks of spit fall on her face. She really had no clue as to what was going on as she clutched the 'stolen' book to her chest, "You can either pay a fine or go to jail."

"B-but I haven't done anything wrong! All I did was pick up this book that I dropped." The confused Coryn took a step back and waved the book in front of the imperial guard who seemed to read that as an aggressive movement because he suddenly unsheathed his sword.

"Assaulting an officer, eh? THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!"

Before Coryn could explain herself the guard swung his longsword at her. She ducked, barely escaping having her head chopped off and rushed towards the door.

Once she was outside Coryn wished she had just stayed in the store and tried to explain everything to that guard. It seemed every guard in the city was now after her and every guard seemed intent to ignore her explanations as they tried to cut her into tiny pieces. As she dodged sword after sword, Coryn determined to find Kei'Rassa and just pay the damn fine.

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><p>"Thoronir, can't you give me a better price?" Kei'Rassa begged the Wood Elf. For the price he was giving, he and Coryn would barely be able to afford a room for the night and contrary to his companions beliefs, he did not enjoy sleeping on the cold hard floor.<p>

"I'm sorry," said the elf, in atone that did little to show that he was actually sorry, "But just look at it. Did you do this yourself, because it is really, _really_ bad. I mean, its teeming with fleas and there are clumps of dirt and bone clinging to it. You're lucky I'm even willing to pay."

Kei'Rassa sighed and put the antlers on the counter, "Okay, but surely this must be worth at least thirty septims. I mean, someone of your intelligence and expertise must be able to see the worth of this unique item." The Khajiit used his best smile as he stroked the ego of the elven shopkeeper.

Thornir smiled at this display of obvious flattery, "Hmm, yes, _now_ I can see that this is worth quite a few more septims," he stroked his chin as he contemplated a final price. Kei'Rassa suspected that he was only pretending to think, "I will give you twenty-five septims for the pelt and antlers."

"Forty"

"Twenty-five."

"Thirty-five."

"Twenty-five."

"Thirty."

"Twenty-five," Thoronir smirked, suppressing a chuckle, "I could do this all day."

Kei'Rassa glared at the Elf before slumping his shoulders in defeat, "Twenty-five septims it is then."

Thoronir's smile widened, having finally broken his 'valued' customer. He took the items off the counter and proceeded to hand the Khajiit his money, "Thank you and remember; you won't find better prices in all of-"

The door suddenly burst open a Coryn tried to escape the looked a mess, her face was both pale and green at the same time and sweat was falling from her body by the bucket load. Something had obviously happened while Kei'Rassa had been busy.

The Breton slammed the door behind her and quickly walked up to Kei'Rassa. She grabbed the side of his arms, gasping for breath as she tried to speak. Once she gained her composure, the first thing she said was, "I'M SORRY SO SORRY BUT I NEED MONEY THE WHOLE CITIES GONE CRAZY AND THE GUARDS AND THE FIRST EDITION AND SO MANY POINTY SWORDS AND YELLING AND, AND!" she stopped abruptly as she caught her breath noticing Thoronir behind he cat-like companion, "Oh… hi Thoronir." She breathed.

"Help! Guards, a thief!"

Kei'Rassa raised his eyebrows in shock at what had just come out of the Elf's mouth, and then turned back angrily at Coryn, "You just can't keep out of trouble can you?" he swiveled towards Thoronir who seemed frozen in horror, "Look, it's just been a misunderstanding so if you could just hand me my money we can-"

"I don't make deals with dirty thieves." Thoronir said quickly as he dived under the counter. The two 'thieves' stared at the counter in disbelief as Thoronir cowered in fear, "I can't believe I was taken in by the charms of a thief. You hear it happening to other people but you never expect it to happen to you." The frightened Elf mumbled to himself.

Before Coryn could speak, the original guard broke the door down eliciting a timid squeak from beneath the counter, "I have you now, criminal scum." He threatened, brandishing his sword on his shield.

Thoronir suddenly burst up from beneath his hiding place, "Guard, the Khajiit is an accomplice to this thief! They attempted to steal all my money and worldly possessions! I tried to fight them off, but they were too strong for me and tied me up but as you can see, I've escaped. The Khajiit even tried to seduce me into joining their gang! That's the truth, sir"

Before they could protest, the guard sheathed his sword and approached Coryn and Kei'Rassa and posed the same demand he had stated earlier, "So what will it be: a fine, go to jail or do I have to get a little rough."

The two accused looked at each other knowing that they really didn't have a choice in the matter.

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><p>Kei'Rassa fiddled with the lock, listening for the sweet sound that would mean their early – and unauthorised – release. This was his last lockpick and, knowing that he had to make it count, he took his time as he concentrated. Coryn looked over his shoulder, her body uncomfortably close to his, convinced that if she looked away the lockpick would break.<p>

"Are you done yet?" she asked for the fifth time in the last hour. Kei'Rassa only grunted in reply which she understood as a no. Coryn took to watching him jimmy the lock for a few more minutes before speaking, "You know, I could just open the lock with my alteration magic. I'm really starting to get the hang of it."

Kei'Rassa groaned as he continued to work the lock. Coryn stood up straight to stretch her back and returned to her previous position of watching the Khajiit try to open the gate. She hoped the lockpick didn't break and just thought magic would be able to solve this little predicament, "A lock opening spell would work even better than a lockpick; its quicker and quieter and requires little to no effort on your part." She boasted.

"Look, just let me do this. I'm perfectly capable of-"

SNAP!

Kei'Rassa's blood went cold as his lockpick broke. He put his face in his hands as he cried a little, squatted at the unopened gate; his failure. Coryn patted him on the back, resisting the urge to say she told him so.

Once he had stopped sobbing, his cries turning to soft whimpers, he stood up and took a step aside to allow the Breton to try her luck. She gave him a small smile and reached for the pocket of her sack cloth pants.

"Oh dear," she said, realizing that something was amiss. She rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment, "It looks like they've, uh, confiscated my journal."

"And?" Kei'Rassa asked already half knowing the answer but just wanted Coryn to admit her folly.

"I, uh, haven't memorized the spell yet, so yeah." She replied, her eyes looking to the dirt encrusted tiles of the floor. She felt extremely stupid right now.

Kei'Rassa's eye twitched in annoyance as he silently walked to the bed. He just couldn't believe his luck. He curled up on the stone slab.

"You're sleeping on the floor this time."


End file.
